I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're a waste of cheezeits
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
