Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
