It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
