i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
