btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
