ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
