Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
