there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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