what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
