This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
