On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
