you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
