is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
