Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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