are you so shy because you have an std?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
