what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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