On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
