even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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