Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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