You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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