You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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