If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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