Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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