hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize