Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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