we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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