If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
