the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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