so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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