I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
