what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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