you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
