Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
