this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
