I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
