So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
