ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
