I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
