I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
