It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
