He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
