WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
