its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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