it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
