The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
