My sheets look like a crime scene.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
do nipples grow back?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
