is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
