If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
