Say something about gay babies.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
