let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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