Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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